how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
