pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
