Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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