After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
