God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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