I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I cut my penus on the lid.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
