Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
