Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
