I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
