Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
If its not for food we ain't going out.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
