I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
How's work?
Spinning.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
