as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
