I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
