I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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