Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
