i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
