4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
