just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Every concussion has its silver lining
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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