By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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