Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
