at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
