you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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