Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
