You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
