she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
