Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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