I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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