i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
