i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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