also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
