Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
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