I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
