i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
