I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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