Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
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