from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
