Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
