your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Randomize
