I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Randomize
