I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I just blew my weed a kiss
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
