I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
