If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
