y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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