Whats the glycemic index on semen?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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