mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
