Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
