I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
what day is it and did you see me today?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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