Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
