I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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