the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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