Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
