At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
